Today is a very special day. It’s not my anniversary or anything but it is a celebration of sorts. It’s my ALIVE day!
You see, 18 years ago, I witnessed a horrific trauma and watched Jeff, one of my best friends and fiance, die at the hands of violence. I have never actually wrote about it before today and it is certainly not the type of thing I usually write about.
So why am I writing about it today — to be honest I just thought it was time I tell the story and share my experiences.
I’ll admit — This is not easy to write about even after all these years.
You see PTSD doesn’t just affect those that have been to war — it affects those who witness any traumatic events. Even though many years have passed , I still remember. It doesn’t incapacitate me (with nightmares and fears) as it once did but it never really quite leaves you.
It’s not just that Jeff died 18 years ago today, it is also the day that my life could have ended as well. Long story short — Jeff was shot during an drive-up ATM robbery in New Orleans and there was a second man with a gun aimed at me as well. (I wasn’t made aware of this till much later )
For many years after I went thru the various stages of PTSD and I’m lucky to have great support systems to help me overcome the majority of it. I won’t lie to you — it’s a hard road.
This story will shock many people hearing of it for the first time. That’s the thing with PTSD — you can’t tell by looking at someone that they have it and to what degree.
Do I consider this a BAD thing that happened to me? Nope not at all.
Everything happens for a reason. We don’t always know what that reason is. Sometimes it is just a matter of teaching us a lesson we need to learn, sometimes it is just to show us a new way of looking at things.
Well it still saddens me that Jeff was taken away from us so very young (he was almost 19), I realize that it helped me to be the outspoken, don’t-care-what-you-think, embrace-the-moment person I am today.
I think it also helped prepare me to be a better mother, wife and friend. I thank God everyday that I am still here to tell my story and live my life.
Thank you Jeffrey for giving me that gift . We miss you.
FYI —- We will resume regular programming here on the blog tomorrow 
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, what a story Tammy. Thanks for sharing & for potentially giving us the gift to embrace life in the moment too.
Wow, indeed. Thanks for sharing this, Tammy. I think I’ll shut down the computer for a while and join my husband and daughter in the backyard. It is good to be reminded every now and then what is really important.
It seems ‘weird’ seeing you write about this. I’ve heard you talk about it but never seen you write about it but I think it’s great that you shared the story. Even though I’ve heard you talk about this before it still gives me chills reading about it. I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around what something as horrific as this must have been like to go through.
wow! i’m so impressed with your strength & outlook. everything truly does happen for a reason – & it’s obviously made you so much stronger as person. Thank you for sharing!
What a terrible thing for you to have witnessed and carried with you for so long. Your strength to share your story is amazing!
Hugs & prayers!
gonna send this to my mom